What happens when you DO things for your family?
Read the above verse again. Through wisdom a house is built. Hmm. I have seen many a Christian lose the battle over their family to the devil simply because they lacked wisdom. They either didn't do what they should, they did what they shouldn't, or they simply didn't know what to do at all. And the consequences were disastrous.As a Christian you probably live among relatives who don't share your faith. Even if your relatives do share your faith, it's still important to know how to deal with them. Family life comes down to relationships being understanding of others while not degrading yourself at the same time.
Here are just a few dos and don'ts that we have picked up from years of family counseling, based on insights from the Word of God.
Don't force your views on others. We're all different, and nowhere are our differences so evident as at home. One of the biggest mistakes is to try to make others be like them. Respect each other's individuality. If you want someone to do something, help him see it for himself and let him decide. It's not by force, but by my Spirit – the Lord says.
Do give the other person time to cool down. The stupidest thing you can do in a relationship is to confront someone when he or she is angry. Everyone has the right to be angry; after all we're only human. But why throw gasoline on a raging fire? When a family member is blowing off steam, just keep your cool, hold your tongue and wait for a more appropriate time to deal with the situation.
Don't push them to come to church. This will only backfire. Instead of preaching a two-hour sermon to them on why they must come to church with you, try just to BE the church in your home. I don't mean blasting church music on the radio or forcing them to watch Christian programming with you. I mean, let them see God in you, in terms of character, testimony, behavior, etc. And be consistent. Being good for a day only is not enough.
Do take time out to do things together. A family is only a family when they spend time to have fun and appreciate each other. This may take more effort and planning than you think. If you're not careful, work, study and other things will consume all your time before you have a chance to do anything that includes your family. Make it a point to do something together at least once a week. Children crave their parents' attention. Wives need to feel that their husbands still care about them, not just about bills and food and clothes. Husbands need to feel encouraged and appreciated. Do take time to do things together.
Don't bring up bad things from the past. Accusations, finger-pointing, cutting words destroy families. Learn to forgive. Forgiveness is about not remembering the wrong. When you do have a dispute or disagreement about something, strive to keep focused on the matter at hand, not on the mistake the other person did back in 1973. Live for the present. Believe in a person's ability to change and learn from his past mistakes. Remembering their past will only perpetuate their past behaviour.
Do acts of kindness from time to time. Family is also about helping one another. This goes beyond our normal family duties, such as helping out with the expenses. Being kind is to go one more step. The wife really had a tiring day? Take her to eat out, and spare her having to cook dinner. The husband is upset about some failure at work? Surprise him by cooking his favorite dish, having a candlelight dinner, with a card under his plate saying "I believe in you." This may sound like too much effort, but just take time to find your own ways to show kindness to your family. This will really pay off if you're consistent. Do unto others what you would have others do unto you.
Now remember that above all, you should always hold your family up in prayer so that evil will not prevail against it and/or cancel your efforts. To this end, the Sunday and Friday services will do you no harm at all. It is the "do" that will complement all the others.
Pr. Renato Cardoso
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